Unintended Consequences

Today I had an epiphany. I thought about decisions in general (be it government, organizational or individual) and their unintended consequences.  For instance, how government subsidies created a dependent faction of our culture or how discovering oil in the Middle East has led to a myriad of political problems. 

I made the decision to please a lot of people and to try and become something I am not, the unintended consequence was to become something that I did not like. 

Many times we allow ourselves to believe in what others tell us without measuring our full commitment to the plan.  I fell victim to that. 

I try to do a good job managing my business and during the process, I have impressed some people along the way.  I never really desired being promoted but I began to believe that path was for me.  Yet, I have never been one to do exactly what I am told. 

Most of the time I am being too cynical and seeing propaganda for what it really is.  In this process, I tend to buck the trend and look for more efficient ways to get the job done even if it means being outright defiant at times.  These are not the qualities of a "yes man" in a corporation. 

When it all crashed, I think I actually may have sabotaged myself even though I didn't realize it at the time.  I just came under so much stress that I just wanted it all to go away but did not want to be viewed as a quitter or a failure.  So, I self-destructed in a magnificent way.

In the end, I had enough people on my side to actually save my job, but the additional responsibilities were taken from me because I "did not demonstrate the characteristics of a leader".  Actually, in that instance they were right.  Yet, I have made ammends with my peers that I felt obligated and found out that I still had their respect and support.  That means more to me than being respected by some people I barely know.

I have actually came away feeling more free to pursue the interest I truly desire.  My hope is that I will somehow find the balance between work and other interests to keep work in its proper perspective.  Basically, its what I do to feed my family.